you can ignore this post. it will be aimless ramblings. more so than usual.
its muddy murphy's tonight, unless yoon, you decide to take me up on my offer of some weight-loss fun eh? hah. I sincerely hope Roadstar is playing again tonight. i have been starved of beauty and i want to see the lead singer again.

speaking of which. let me elaborate on my rockstar dream. dontcha love it? i would be... david bowie circa his ziggy stardust era. in touch with my audience, but always a step out of their reach. i would be a rock god. has anyone seen the movie Rockstar? thats livin the dream baby. or maybe Almost Famous. the scene with the lead guitarist Russel getting tripped out on lsd and jumping off the roof into a pool to the goading cheers of an adoring public. it was religious, having him up there, hands spread out a la christ on the crucifix an offering to the people. i fuckin want that. i fuckin want the people to want me. insecure you say? maybe. but fuck you do you have the guts to admit it if you did? fuck that sissy ass nelly and 'fidy cent' and puddle of staind nonsense. i will be rock and roll pure. like a bacardi 1511. i will be a shot to the head. it will be simple and pure, because that is all i will need. too bad i cant sing for nuts eh? lour reed and smashing pumpkins are blasting on my speakers. it is. surreal. to have them both playing at the same time. ('and romeo had his juliet. and juliet had her romeo'/'do you whatcha gonna do. see whatcha gonna see')
thrashing hotel rooms. fuck having a wife. or maybe i will ahve a wife who is constantly pregnant. i will smoke to my hearts content. fuck it if my voice cracks and goes all warbly. it will have a tom-waits-ish appeal. ohohoh! the tight leather pants! yeahhh. lets not forget the drugs. sex goes without saying of course, its bloody hell understood.