.

whats worse than finding hair in your food? finding a curly strand of hair in your food. yucks. it looks like a pube and i'd like to think that no maybe the cook just has a curley mop of hair but ugh what if its really a pube? how did it get there? i can think of a few situations... like. maybe he was scratching his balls and a loose pube made it to his hand then to the food. or maybe. he hates you. and he purposely put it there. or maybe. he was banging a chick and a pube fell on the food. which begs another qn... why is he banging someone when hes supposed to be cooking? (it happens! read Antony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential! it totally makes cooks sound like an underground cult)

so today i got $50 of my allowance what being the hopeless spender i am i walked into a CD shop and saw this CD and that CD and went oh oh oh i want i want!! so now im the proud owner of Lou Reed- Raven, Marilyn Manson- Mechanical Animals, and Jerry Seinfeld- I'm Telling You for the Last Time. mind you, they're all second hand so it was quite a deal, no? abt $9 per cd.

I've watched all 11 episodes of Queer Eye and now i feel lost. They can't do this! They can't make such a brilliantly funny show with golden nuggets of info and just stop at 11! I hope more comes... i fear withdrawal.

jok, yeah. that was nasty. damn bitch.

heh.

before i go on, a rant-
Damn you to hell silent voyeuristc readers! why dont you interact?!?!?! I asked for party dates, nah uh, no reply. I asked about haiku. Nah uh, no reply. its like im talking to a stone wall, or having like. sex with a corpse. eyuch. and no i do not have such extreme sexual fetishes. ugh.

ok that aside (not that im not huffy about it anymore. i still am!), i know this sounds sooo obvious its stupid but if i didnt like girls so much i'd sooo be gay. i've been majorly watching Queer Eye for The Straight Guy its damn entertaining!

i miss the old red and black of my old room. after the exams, i am going to redo my room, bringing back the old red and black motif. its so sensual. i love change.

yoonlin you said something i wont forget in the near future. (which assures you a somewhat immortal state in my consciousness!)

lenn: oh no yoon! noelle and i are... aiya. dunno. but how how how.
yoon: aiya you! stop it la! nothing wrong then complain! you just loooveeee conflict la.

yea. kinda ironic huh cause my chinese name means 'king of the river' or something adn its supposed to paint a tranquil picture but no instead you ahve this lennard here who loves to play with fire and likes chaos and likes it when things are going boom boom bomp rather than the peaceful swishhh of water flowing down a stream. you have a lennard that loves it when its storming and thunder cracks and the rain falls so hard it sounds like marbles hitting the floor, who loves hitting girls and hurling insults and snide remarks. in the words of les, a 'shit-stirrer'.

hey i wanna put up a party calender, so will everyone who's having a party pls leave a comment-
where it is
when it is
how much it is

then i'll post it all up.

this will facilitate perfect information in the party market and prevent any of you buggers from overcharging. hah.

thank you.

do androids dream of electric sheep.*

'forever young' has been playing in a constant loop. over and over and over. whenever i am in my room. i dont know whether to smile at the thought or scowl at the impossibility of the notion.

i just want to be forever young. as you grow older, its all downhill.
because. you're world is so much smaller and easier to handle. and. because. if you screw up, there is the excuse of 'hes just a kid. give him a chance'. and because of the childish innocence that accompanies it but thats the same as my first pt i guess. i want unadultered happiness again. you know the smile on a baby's face as a parent makes silly faces at it. see? even the term. 'un-adultered' speaks volumes for adulthood.

i dont know about you but thats my reason for all the alcohol and whatnaught. it dumbs you down to a child. how pleasant the feeling is. but the trick is to drink just enough. too much and you even lose motor skills. there. back to age 1. too little and its not going to help.

i hate my more humane moments when i reflect. about the people i miss. what i do. and all that. go away. leave me alone.

darryl called me today.

-
hi darryl. thanks for calling. it was really very nice to hear from you after sometime. yes after the A's we will go on a photo safari. heh hopefully with those new vintage cameras huh? more importantly yes lets spend some time because its what we always used to do and it was always very fun. how about a sleepover at your place and we can order pizza and i can make you eat more than me and we can watch simpson videos or cheesy comedies and we can play black jack and bingo with your mom and sa sa. it was always fun. do you miss it a bit? i do. its a pity we grow up and grow apart.
-

i am feeling very reminiscent and... i am just feeling alot now. like a tsunami. and its not something i enjoy. which is why i advocate the indulgence in empty excesses. because it distracts. and what of the long run? when the music dies? well. In the long run, we are all dead.

So goddamnit, fuck it. right jok?

*does it matter...*

*this is actually a book. and it was made into a movie. Blade Runner.

you know what would be nice? to have a soundtrack to my life. better yet. a movie. with an accompanying soundtrack.

lesse. during my more excruciating moments like training, Eye of the Tiger would play in the background, and the camera would zoom into the steeled determination of my eyes, with me muttering under my breath- "fuck i ain't no body's bitch. fuck i'll show the mother fucker. fuck you lennard you can take it and still smile. mother fucker thinks he can beat me down. fucking muther fucker" you see when you're tired your brain kinda cant function properly and the vocabulary is rather limited to say the least.

oh! lets not forget the crux of the whole event! my birth! the camera would zoom into the murky blackness of my mothers nether regions, then... in yellow scrolling text...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Accompanied by John Willams title track, 'Rebel Blackade Runner'. Cinematic History baby.

of course the great times shared with Bruce. (I know you're reading this! i know you're happy i mentioned you! YOU!), Billy Corgan would take us in hand. (you're smiling as you read this aren't you? huh huh?)

Metallica would screeeeecchhhh in protest when i play on the field... S&M, the album where they're accompanied by a full orchaestra. 'Devil's Dance', 'Man And Wolf', 'Nothing Else Matters'.

Every heartbreak would have a lone shot of me staring into the sky... with a lone tear dripping from my eyes*. and N'Sync backing me up. (no. i don't really do that.)

*"Men's tears are precious. Cannot anyhow waste..." - 15 the movie

Forever Young would play when i am old and get my first heart bypass.

Genevieve. ah. you get. 'At the Beginning', epitomising our naive hopes for a forever together.
Syl. Yours is kinda... static. maybe the sound of me tripping over myself?
Such. 'That Thing You Do.' because that's the only explanation i can give.
Joan? for you, is there any other? 'Dilemma', just because...

Noelle. we'll see?

oh my there's so much to write. i guess this will have to be a running post.

till next time, study hard j2s. After the exams, we'll all be hedonists. and my place will be the hive of all matter of drunkedness and debauchery. everyone's invited*. =)

*not everyone. i dont know some of you who read my blog. those... arent invited. sorry?

I cannot wait to burst into Zouk on a ahbengish wednesday night with the weight of the exams off my shoulders and hit the dance floor and down whiskey like the liquid gold it is. heh. anyone game? grin.

I am pining for this specific tune...

'Forever young! I want to be FOREVER YOUNGGGG!!!!!
Do you really want to live foreverr
Forever - and everrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!'

I will close my eyes and belt out that tune in ecstacy. It will be euphoric! eh party partner, you up for it? (yaeh reah... i know you'll be done a week earlier... dont rub it in... :P)

lets sing it... altogether now!!!

Why don't they stay young?
It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth's like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever
So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We'll let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever
Forever - and ever

Forever young, I want to be forever young!
Do you really want to live forever
Forever - and everrrrrrrrr

i've had a recurrant thought in my head over the past few days. it started off as - 'the human experience is relative'.

and as i thought about it and debated within, it has finally emerged as thus- 'the human experience is relative to itself, extremes not withstanding'.

a lovely thesis statement, albeit its for a question that was never asked.

meaning. if you're born somewhere without like aircon and all that, you'll consider the humid nights normal, whereas if you were used to an airconditioned sleep, you'd consider it very uncomfortable. there. relative to itself. extremes not withstanding... well... i dont care what you're used to, if i chop your balls off, its just going to hurt just as much as the next guy. there. disregarding extremes.

i'm very pleased with myself. .

Movie Review- 15

brief intro-
follows the trials and tribulations of a group of ahbeng friends, letting one a glimpse of their hopeless and often misunderstood world. tada.

15 is an uncomfortable movie to watch. There are long takes on very jaring scenes, such as when Shaun had to smuggle drugs by stuffing condoms filled with E down his throat. Other scenes involve one of the Ah Beng's whoring himself out to gays for money (it was implied that he contracted Aids), and another very jarring scene of a youth slashing himself repeatedly. Subsituting for a ghetto switch blade is a convenient pen knife. how local.

A strong theme throughout the whole movie is that of 'brotherhood'. Interestingly was how they percieved it- it isn't about looking out for your 'brothers' self-interests, but helping him with whatever request he may have- to the extent of helping one of the 'brothers' find a grand building to suicide off such that 'all of singapore will know'. (They eventually settled for the esplanade.)

The 2 scenes that struck me the most-

1) A middle aged woman was staring at the ahbengs in the bus. Of course they didnt take it too kindly and started to harrass her with the standard shouts of "Chao Chee Bai Lian!" and whatnaught, but one statement struck a chord- "why you stare at us? we are human too we oso got feelings leh!"

2) while admiring pornographic material of the net, one of them commented- "wa! so big! damn nice can! wonder if real or not..." to which another replied- "aiyo... perfection is never real la!"

pesudo Zen Of Motorcycle Maintenance eh? Kinda like. Zen Of Ah Beng.

It is a sad and disturbing movie to watch. With many touching scenes in a warped sense. (one scene, 2 of the friends slept with each holding the other), and many many hilarious moments (e.g. trying to tape a plastic bag over a drunk friends mouth so he wont puke all over)

Go watch it. Once. and be done with it.

for the benefit of sanjeev who is so easily placated with childish rhyme-

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her.
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her, very well.

and just to show that mr jarvis cocker is up to the task,

Brothers, sisters, can't you see?
The future's owned by you and me.
There won't be fighting in the street.
They think they've got us beat, but revenge is going to be so sweet.
We're making a move,
we're making it now,
we're coming out of the side-lines.
Just put your hands up - it's a raid yeah.
We want your homes,
we want your lives,
we want the things you won't allow us.
We won't use guns,
we won't use bombs,
we'll use the one thing we've got more of - that's our minds.

and not all these lyrics are from This Is Hardcore. Some are from Different Class, which i've had to pleasure to recently get my hand on. Its really very nice! tongue in cheek full of sexual innuendo. And its more roots rock, if you know what i mean, without the mixers and whatnaught.

I'd give a more indepth review but unfortunately Complex Numbers beckons. With some practice, its actually quite elementary at our level. hah.

let me pelt you with the lyrical genius that is jarvis cocker...

I said let's all meet up in the year 2000.
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown.
Be there at 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married.
I would be living down here on my own on
that damp and lonely Thursday years ago.

-

I'd like to make this water wine
but it's impossible.
I've got to get these dishes dry

-

Help the aged,
one time they were just like you,
drinking, smoking cigs and sniffing glue.
Help the aged,
don't just put them in a home,
can't have much fun when they're all on their own.
Give a hand, if you can,
try and help them to unwind.
Give them hope and give them comfort
cos they're running out of time.

conversations btwn j2 people have become stale. its true. ask any j2-

"hey... hows life?"

and get stoned reply-
"sian lor... study..."

that pretty much sums up life right now. "sian lor... study..."

hows this for a lark. for RJ's open house, they boarded up the gym and plastered the windows shut. The corridor leading to teh gym was darkened and glow sticks put in 'for effect'. All this is, of course, to cover up the truely sad state of our facilities.

could someone please explain to me the appeal of Haiku? thank you.

ok dont worry! i found my pencil case!

my dad left for shanghai today. i didnt know he was leaving till yest, but anyway, everytime before he leaves the country, he always does the same thing- "lennard, if anything happens, i just took out more insurance policies just remember to claim them and remember you are the man of the house ok?" its very disconcerting. On one hand, he is my dad and i hope nothign happens to him. on the other, it is a hell lot of insurance cash. but the former wins out and i hpe he comes home safe.

yishi's bdae dinner today. i learned that veal is baby cow. i was previously under the impression it was baby lamb. my misconceptions were blown away when tiff told me lamb was baby sheep. and i thought they were two differnt species. damnit. oh. Kid is baby goat! whod'a guessed, huh?

today i was around esplanade area, and there were throngs of asian tourists. you know the kind im talking about-
a group tour badge, obiang clothes, a cap that says 'chan brother travels' or somethign like that. they were posing and snapping photos away, but the interesting thing was their choice of pose. let me show you.


something like that. only thing, their facial expressions were much more stoned. it was like their grandmother grandfather died. they looked positively pained. it was a very funny contrast to their pose. thats all i ahve to say.

good night

p.s: no i dont usually tuck my shirt in so tight. it was for dramatic effect you dolt.

in the joyful elation of post phyisics prac, which in my opinion went very well, i lost my Exam Pencil Case. with it, my Lucky Exam Pen, Doc. Grip, my entry pass, and my IC. also, I am now stationary-less. Classic Lennard. sigh at that, but yay for the physics prac?

girls are silly silly silly. we guys are lucky. we dont have to be handsome or buff or rich, we just have to act like we think we are and you silly girls go swoon swoon swoon 'oooh! he has such confidence!'

guys on the other hand are not fooled by this little charade! if your ugly, god damnit, your ugly!*

*disclaimer: this is in no way a reflection of my judging a person on the whole. i've no doubt that there are other redeeming qualities like personality, intelligence and the elusive x-factor. and those are appealing qualities too. alls im saying, is in the physical sense, if your ugly, god damnit, your ugly!*

would anyone like to suck my kiss.

you know seeing cher shup zhi and all still so tight after so many years i wonder to myself how about me where is my grounding group of friends who are 'constant as the northern star'. its quite a scary thought but to put it nicely, im not tied down to anything or anyone. to put it bluntly, neither am i supported by anything. just a thought.

its just a lazy hazy sunday babes. smashing fun last night. lesse... heres the run down

so okay, i studied in the morn and aft, so dont hassle me there. at night. Ah Hah! thats where it heats up. sher's bday at raku bar and when i got there i was greeted with a glorious tray full of whiskey shots, and i kissed many a shot glass. zhi meow shup cher rosie were all there and it was nice catchin up after so long... everyone looked the same from when we used to hang out during sec 4, jus some of them had new guys hangin on their arms. haha.

after that dropped by alex's party at his place. HAHAHA. j1's drunk everywhere it was quite a sight. haha. alex your maid is dmn funky and fun to talk to. his maid was bartending! how cool is that. i wonder if i can get chalimah up to the task... tzi and i. had. an encounter. or several to be specific. i'm a slut.

i think the word gesticulate sounds very vulgar. perverse even. the thought struck me while bathing. Gesticulate. Testiculate. Testicular. hahaha. it cracks me up.

think about this next time someone is talking and flailing his hands about expressively- he is gesticulating.

i've experienced an epiphany. well. a revelation more like, courtesy leon ong-
"Lennard... i think you have excess oestrogen. look. you have an hour glass figure and maybe thats why you're like... er... that."

'that', of course, well... if you know me you know what 'that' is. many a time i have cursed my body! oh with narrow shoulders and wide hips, but i am too lazy to go to the gym to fix it, so i've since stopped complaining.

today's weather is very very dreary, its like. an atmospheric landscape to the sombre news in the papers. yes. today's paper is full of sad terrible news. but there was an amusing article- a study by aquafresh toothpaste found that most british people had breath that was worse than their pets. and that women had the highest proportion of bad breath. and scots have a freshest breath. on the topic of scots, did you know ewan mcgregor was once awarded by a magazine to possess 'the most beautiful penis'. for the record i think penises, in general, are quite ugly, some uglier than others. some look like dehydrated cocktail weiners. but yes some are glorious, full and healthy with bounce and healthy skin. hah.

my my what an odd progression of ideas... from the weather, to the newspaper, to breath, to scots, to penises. Welcome to Wonderland.

i know i said i wouldn't turn on my com anymore but it was late and i really missed checking my usual bookmarks so yes yes naughty naughty me went to plug my com in. i am bad ass, as you can see. so mothers hide your daughters. i would have to say the best part was checking sandra's blog again. i like reading that. oh and the pics on collegehumour.com. hur hur.

(normally i wouldnt go hur hur cuz its stupid. no one laughs like that. but ok. maybe neanderthals (living in netherland) go like that and collegehumour is neanderthal humour so there. hur hur.)

i would love to travel the world. ian wright has it good. i love the episodes where he goes to bolivia, ethiopia, botswana, jamaica, bathiopia and ruwandant. (the last two being fictional, jus checkin if you know your geog). All these places are, my lennard definition, classified under the geographical grouping of the 'nether-land', meaning i have no idea where they are. (and i dont know where the netherlands are either).

i would love to wander around with a little guide book in my hand and talking to the locals. (i hope they can speak english). imagine clueless me commiting social faux passes like. i dunno. scratching my head during dinner which in some odd culture would mean i wanna kill the cook? but there are worlds out there to be discovered!

how apt. all these escapist fantasies when i am chained to my textbooks. when the a's are good and done, i'd probably just fall into a comfortable lull and convieniantly forget my wanderlust.

i relent! i have put a bed... well... mattress at least, of sorts in my room. sleep has never been sweeter! and so i dreamt we got married. and in classic lennard fashion, i forgot to show up at the altar.

i am very bored. very much so. i want to drink and dance. but sloman does not allow. he rules me like the bitch i am.

i hve tried rolling my own cigs and i am getting better at it. its more satisfying smoking a self-rolled cig, even if it does burn the lips somewhat and its so flimsy you protect it from the slightest gust.

kok i hope all is well with you. sorry i havent replied but i will wait till more things have accumulated so i can drop a bomb of a mail on you. haha. be ready.

its finalised! 1-8th jan will see ding, karl and i in melb! unless the wankers at CMPB dont allow me. (bah. whats new?). i am looking forward to dragging those 2 asses to stay at those backpacker inns and shit like that. haha. ding, your mom said 'yeah, take my son to stay there. it will toughen him up a bit', and we all know you are mr SNAG. what i am also looking forward to alot are the CHEAP DRINKS. we have to go clubbing there. and drink drink drink. barardi 1511. yes yes? YES! and guys don worry! i will cook for us!

site readership is down. oh well. i am not as free to update anymore... and there is pretty much nothing going on in my life.

right now, i am sitting down in my moms room with my legs crossed typing this out. i am typing this out. i am typing this out i am typing this out. i made an error and had to 'backspace' to delete it and retype it. whoops. another boo boo.

i took the magic shitn i was laughin like a fuckin moron its glorious i tell you! glorious!

The Three Angels
Marvel at the wonders of photoshop.

Case 1:
I present you with-

my 3 classmates who i affectionately refer to as the 3 Angels

Tweak a bit heree.... tweak a bit there....

TADA~!

Woah MOMMA!

now if only it worked in real life.

oh yea... SCHOOL HAS OFFICIALLY ENDED TODAY!

can you imagine the ecstatic joyful orgasmic elation i am in? will i miss Rj? parts here and there, yeah. but on the whole? hooo baby fuckkkkkkkk offfffffffffffff~! its a great school and all if anyone wanted to ask if i'd recommend it hell yeah but thats if you wanna do JC. i hateee JC. you know what? unless you dont know what your gonna do with your life, go to POLY.

SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT SCHOOLS OUT! you know what is one BIG joy? after this, no more UNIFORMS! of course in army... i'd have to wear the damn green uniform (lucky for me mutued greens look good on me), but after that no more uniforms. heh yay yay yay

to the j1's Good Fuckin' Luck for the prelims. pls dont get retained, even if you do love the school.

i've to be brief
went for some short film audition today and it was sooo fun. i love being in front of the camera. haha. attention seeker i guess but its really a rush. like playing the finals, you know everyone'll be watching.

god i'm such an exhibitionist.

gah!

school class photos are back and i look like a total goof! its so sad!!! my face is in some... oddly contorted posture like. i look bewildered! and my hair is shaved. boo hoo. 10 20 years down when my classmates look at it they'll go whos this bugger and they'll remember ohhhh its lennard the clown! lennard the fool! can you see how important your photo is? if i had looked suave and debonair, they'd go... ohhh lennard the ladykiller! lennard the buaya! and if i had worn specs, they'd go ohhh lennard the under-achieving genius or something like that. but as it stands, i will be remembered as lennard the doofus. damnit.

somethings you dont realize till you're doing it and you stop and think and smile to yourself like- heyyy this is kindaa cool. theme of the times? irony. it struck me as suck on various occaions when i
1) drank beer out of a coffee mug
2) smoked while eating an apple
3) listened to some heavy metal version of classical songs

i so wish i could write more theres so much to tell so much so much but alas spring time's slipping away my friend yeah spring times slipping away* so i must take my leave and retreat to my hovel to study study study. looking at my study plan, theres hope yet! i can do this...

*Ash

ok ok last para...
i am very sad at the state of my room... a large desk has been moved into it to facilitate studying and it sticks out like a damn pimple. its such an eyesore! and now my curtains are perpetually drawn so when i study i lose sense of time and suddenly i emerge from my room blurry eyed (but much the wiser) and lo and behold! the sun has set! it is very disconcerting but ah well. no complaints. my parents are taking it pretty well and giving me lots of support which i appreciate loads.

okok. mr sloman beckons. until the A's are over, i am his bitch.

oh and apologies for well. the lack of funny posts. i have not been feeling particularly funny of late. and its impossible to TRY to be funny, you know what i mean? such pressure is contrary to the free-spirit of humour. its like. trying to get an erection by looking at your limp penis telling it to 'please stand up, please stand up' (i hope this doesnt work for any of you. it would be very sad if it did). the penis would not listen because it would suffer from performance anxiety. (ladies, take note.)

i guess it has been quite dreary of late but that is how i've been feeling. yes dont worry my blog will not spiral into a 'i hate the world why is it so bad to me' because i know things will get better but there will always be ups and downs and thank you all who beared with me.

i am very sad today. well grades aside, it is also the realization that i ahve to do again what i did for my O levels... unplug my computer, because i cannot get anything done without it. i am moving a bigger study table into my room. as you can see, i mean business. i feel like rambo as he gears up strapping grenades and bazookas to his person eating bullets (for iron) to a patriotic drum beat. better yet, i feel like batman! donning my cape and hood!

quote of the day- "you know, i used to think guys shit out of their penis" roll your eyes ladies and gentleman, its from none other than the lovely yoonlin.

banter of the day-
da`lena * (11:46 PM) : aiya. nevermind la i think i shall go sleep
see you some other day when the moon sails across the sky in your dreams, wrapping you up in little fluffy clouds cosily into a little ball of slumber. bleh.
harlequin (11:47 PM) :
yucks. i'd rather just see you in school.
harlequin (11:47 PM) :
nite

from now on updates will be done on my brothers/school computer.

oh, and dont miss me too much. *grin*

so i entered Jc with budding expectations, face cherubic and innocence intact. 4 A's, 2 S papers, well, that went without saying.

then something fucked up. and it was hm. maybe ok... 4A's and 1 S i can do this. then it went to 3A's. but its ok. i will still try for 1S. now, a year down with a grade of E E O, i must say tsk tsk lennard shame on you.

5 weeks for 2 years of syllabus. can i do it? i have no fuckin' clue, but i will think i can if not why bother then? it sounds silly and self righteous i know but it will be my Fuck You to the system if i do well. it will be a farce to the whole education system. and then i turn my back on this crummy shithole and be on with my life.

if not. i will be serverly humbled and its on to poly after army to get a diploma then to uni for archi.

but the dream is still alive.

This guy looks like me! this is surreal.

why aren't i on big advertisments too then?
why dont i have a pretty girl like that locked on my lips?
why aren't i getting paid obscene amounts of cash for my photo HUH?!

speaking of surreal. i am drinking beer out of a coffee mug now. that is also very surreal.

so many blogs have fallen into a state of disrepair, what with broken links, missing images and worst yet, neglected updates. boo hoo. i am very lonely and bored. all i have is my magazine, 2 library books, several cds and a very erratic computer for company now. my fathers car is parked in the garage right up next to my window (yes, the sensors!) the tail lights like a pair of menacing eyes peering into my room. and suddenly i feel very naked and vulnerable. stories of the Orang Minyak (oil people) which my uncle used to scare me with as a kid come to mind now, and i am just going to close my curtains. out of sight out of mind.

+++
suffer my desire for you

my dear father drives a harrier, so it is, well, cumbersome to say the least. on several occasions, he had unknowingly reversed into an assortment of objects. frustrated, he went to install those sensor thingamajigs that beep when you are close to something. he is very happy with it. the other night, he reversed his car into the garage and it went 'tweet tweeet tweet tweettweettweettweettwee' and i was like 'dad watch out you are going to hit mom's car (angry mom= not nice mom). he had a quiet air of confidence about him. after killing the engine, he gingerly stepped out of the car and went to take a look.
he proclaimed with immense self satisfaction- "look! so close! almost touching, but not yet!!" tada. my father for you.

i went suit shopping today. and it has come to my attention that i have an odd body. of all the suits i tried, none fit me well. my limbs were too long, my back too big or shoulders too narrow, or waist too loose. which leads to the obvious conclusion taht i have long arms, a bulging back, small shoulders and a narrow waist, all in that order. if you imagine, i'd say its a description that would fit quasimodo also. damnit.

at the supermarket, i hooked up with a few friends. namely, Samuel Adams and Mr. Foster and Mr. Miller. have you noticed that Bitter Gourd looks absolutely disgusting? its like a cucumber with a bad case of acne/pimples.

+++
as far as you take me, that's where i believe
the realm of soft delusions,
in my mind i'm everyone of you
you make it right
it's all allright
you make it right
porcelina of the oceans blue

s.p.

+++
and let me be, let me die inside
let me know the way from of this world of
the numb in you
cause the dye is cast, and the bitch is back
and i'm all dead yeah i'm all dead
inside the future of a shattered past
i lie just to be real, and i'd die just to feel
why do the same old things keep on happening?
because beyond my hopes there are no feelings

s.p.

let me introduce you to my dear treasured friends-
Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker and Jim Bean

since they aren't on friendster, i will give them a glowing testimonial here-

They are always there when you need them and never turn a cold shoulder. these are the definition of buddies. granted, on occasion, they may be a bit. protective and their company gets a bit too much for you. but on the whole, these are friends for life. get to know them, they will be your friend too.

last night was really quite fun. hm. Here Hear! to dalglish! (did you know its here hear? at least i think it is. i read it once in print it was here hear. it makes sense dunnit?)

i cannot remember if i bathed last night. i am a very dirty boy by nature, sometmies forgetting to bathe, my longest being for 4 days. and no i didnt forget for 4 days, i just kept finding excuses to procrastinate.

i have moments where i just stand there and TRY to think if i've have bathed. i'd sniff my underarms and its a tad funky, but its not all that bad. i'd go check so see if the towel is damp and it is slighttyyy damp. so i stand there feeling very lost. i do not wish to bathe again if i had, but what if i hadn't?! so there lies my dilemma. so now every morning when i wake up i put wax in my hair and so if i want to know if i've bathed i feel for the wax in my hair. but sometimes after a while, it could just be oily build up. hah. yes. i know. im filthy aren't i. (thank god for colognes.)

Speaking for the non-permenance of memory, i cannot really remember last night. i am having a bit of a hangover now with a dry throat. this is good. its been somee time since its been like this, and this is how it should always be.

what is your poison? (let me spell out mine. w-h-i-s-k-e-y)

bala you indian muthafucker are you reading this? hello! how odd bumping into you again. i forgot to crack a joke at your expense last night. so i will do it now- it was so dark you looked like floating eyes and a chesire grin. but its somewhat a compliment. you have a nice jovial smile.

+ + +

throw your hands up in the air
move your body like you got no care
perfectly stlyed gel-waxed hair,
you're so pretty no one compares.
throw me a glance girl,
crown me with your gaze
make my world swirl
together
we can get wander in a hazy,
dazy,
maze.

take my hold come on lets go.
but i walk limply
with an unclasped hand
this lonely singing
one man band.

you can ignore this post. it will be aimless ramblings. more so than usual.
its muddy murphy's tonight, unless yoon, you decide to take me up on my offer of some weight-loss fun eh? hah. I sincerely hope Roadstar is playing again tonight. i have been starved of beauty and i want to see the lead singer again.

speaking of which. let me elaborate on my rockstar dream. dontcha love it? i would be... david bowie circa his ziggy stardust era. in touch with my audience, but always a step out of their reach. i would be a rock god. has anyone seen the movie Rockstar? thats livin the dream baby. or maybe Almost Famous. the scene with the lead guitarist Russel getting tripped out on lsd and jumping off the roof into a pool to the goading cheers of an adoring public. it was religious, having him up there, hands spread out a la christ on the crucifix an offering to the people. i fuckin want that. i fuckin want the people to want me. insecure you say? maybe. but fuck you do you have the guts to admit it if you did? fuck that sissy ass nelly and 'fidy cent' and puddle of staind nonsense. i will be rock and roll pure. like a bacardi 1511. i will be a shot to the head. it will be simple and pure, because that is all i will need. too bad i cant sing for nuts eh? lour reed and smashing pumpkins are blasting on my speakers. it is. surreal. to have them both playing at the same time. ('and romeo had his juliet. and juliet had her romeo'/'do you whatcha gonna do. see whatcha gonna see')
thrashing hotel rooms. fuck having a wife. or maybe i will ahve a wife who is constantly pregnant. i will smoke to my hearts content. fuck it if my voice cracks and goes all warbly. it will have a tom-waits-ish appeal. ohohoh! the tight leather pants! yeahhh. lets not forget the drugs. sex goes without saying of course, its bloody hell understood.

interesting anecdote
last night at phuture, i was talking to this tranny, when it struck me. i felt quite awkward because... i didn't know how to refer to the person! i remembered a joke my pe teacher cracked about a 'she' and a 'him' being a 'shim', but no that didn't seem very apt. so i threw caution to the wind and asked

"hey, how the hell do i refer to you? he or she or what??"

to which the tranny replied-
"honey, what do YOU think?" as he/she/shim flaunted his/her/shers chesty assets.

"ooooh. ha ha. i geddit. ok. sorry ma'am!"

at phuture they played dilemma. at that moment i jsut wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. i left thereafter, my absence un-noticed with no little difference to the merryment on the dance floor. its times like these when despite (or maybe because) of the large throngs of people, you feel so alone.

Thank You
Your account has been deleted.

i have killed my Kings Of Chaos account. gosh. i have been ending alot of things recently. its this. destructive phase i guess. time for new beginnings. the end is the beginning of the end*. Soon the A's will be over, and its a new life ahead, so lets leave this old husk behind.

interesting fact- hermit crabs eat their shedded husks for the calcium it provides.

i wonder what i can take of mine.

*Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you’re so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it’s pain

thank you smashing pumpkins. nobody says it better than billy corgan.

when you are sad, listen to ava adore. you will cry. when you are happy, listen to siamese dreams, you will cry. when you want to forget, listen to melon collie, you will forget everything. you will tear out memory after memory. until you are nothing but an empty vessel to be filled again, and the process will repeat.

p.s do not be mistaken. i do not cry. its not a macho thing or what naught, i just hardly ever cry. and no i did not cry.

The name of Lennard creates a quick, analytical, and clever mind; you are creative, versatile, original, and independent. You have large ambitions, and it is difficult for you to be tolerant and understanding of those who desire less in life or who are more slow and methodical by nature. Patience is not your forte. You do, however, have leadership ability and would never be happy in a subservient position. You are ambitious and aggressive by nature. You would be happiest in positions where you are free to express individually and creatively and where opportunities are not restricted; you desire freedom, and do not tolerate being possessed by others. You appreciate change and travel, and the opportunity to meet and mix with others, and to influence them with your creative ideas. You are very self-confident and feel you can accomplish anything you set out to do, and you can, although, this name does not allow proper completion of undertakings, and forced changes cause financial losses and bitter experiences. This name also creates caustic expression and moods which prevent harmony and happiness in close association.

get your free name analysis here

damnit! so all these years i thought something was wrong with me when it can all be changed with the simple change of a name?! damn you mother!

do you know what i live for? i live for beautiful things. i LOOOOVVVVEEE beautiful things. Give me something beautiful and i'll love it to bits. women, clothes, food. anything. just make it beautiful.

Just yesterday, while walking home, i saw...
a vision of beauty.
right at the entrance of my place. It was sensuous and commanding all at the same time- a red soft-top honda s2000. For the silly billys out there, well, remember suki's hot pink car in 2 fast 2 furious? Yeap. s2000 baby.



I stopped right in my tracks and could just stare with my jaws agagpe. truely, i was blessed at that moment. right there and then i could have bloody just orgasmed.