the manly influences of National Service leaks from my memory.
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i want to be a glitter boy. i want roughed cheeks and glossy lips. i want heeled boots and a lazy, hazy cigarette hanging languidly on my lip. i want the whole she-bang - freed hearts of gilded chains and SETI on overdrive for my extraterrestrial love search. elegantly walking down the street, handbag on one hand, lies on the other, most beautiful only when I'm walking out the door. personality crisis? dear sir i'm just a leftover 20th century boy out to change the world.
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Glitter Boy, 2006
Text Pastiche on Your Screen
Lenn
2006-01-29
people are drawn deeper into tragedy not by their defects but by their virtues. that is the premise of a tragic hero, or at least it was in shakespearean times. that noble concept as since eroded. from the crevices of prototypical tragic hero a la Oedipus, noble but flawed because of his virtue and innocence, crept out the anti-hero.
the anti-hero is consciously a villian in action but a hero at heart. that is the appeal isn't it? that behind every flawed action there is a shining light of redemption because it is motivated by pureness (though at times reluctently so). take Frank Castle, aka the Punisher. it is because he is driven by the loss of his family that we can rationalize his otherwise inhumane actions in his quest for revenge. we can say to ourselves "what he is doing is wrong, but i understand why he is doing it." one might even go so far as to empathize with him.
the anti-hero brings to light the concept of grey in what was previously a black and white world, which is comforting.
after all, doesn't everyone want shades of redemption?
the anti-hero is consciously a villian in action but a hero at heart. that is the appeal isn't it? that behind every flawed action there is a shining light of redemption because it is motivated by pureness (though at times reluctently so). take Frank Castle, aka the Punisher. it is because he is driven by the loss of his family that we can rationalize his otherwise inhumane actions in his quest for revenge. we can say to ourselves "what he is doing is wrong, but i understand why he is doing it." one might even go so far as to empathize with him.
the anti-hero brings to light the concept of grey in what was previously a black and white world, which is comforting.
after all, doesn't everyone want shades of redemption?
2006-01-28
following the erosion of tragic heros (et tu, brute?) to anti heros (Marv from Sin City, Batman) the next logical step would not only be someone with no redeemable qualities or tragic flaw, save for the fact that the tragic flaw is his very existence. but no, because he is the lineage of tragic heros, one cannot condemn him. And that is Vincent, the assassin in Collateral.
He is not amoral. neither is he confused. he is just very logical. after his first hit, a confused and scared max, the cab driver, sputters on, questioning how he could kill the man.
Vincent: Max, six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape cause of one fat guy.
Max: Well, who was he?
Vincent: What do you care? Have you ever heard of Rwanda?
Max: Yes, I know Rwanda.
Vincent: Well, tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed people that fast since Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Did you bat an eye, Max?
Max: What?
Vincent: Did you join Amnesty International, Oxfam, Save the Whales, Greenpeace, or something? No. I off one fat Angelino and you throw a hissy fit.
Max: Man, I don't know any Rwandans.
Vincent: You don't know the guy in the trunk, either.
with reasons as plain as that, i might be so inclined to off someone myself. what vincent lacks isn't a heart. he did save max's life in the nightclub scene. what vincent does is partition - cruelly, cold-heartedly.
billed as a thriller, the movie is actually more of what happens in between. the action scenes could be sliced right out and the movie would still shine. max's growing confidence and vincent who somehow somehow you think theres something about him and you don't want to write him off as a villian.
ironic how vincent dies in a subway. in the beginning of the movie, he says to max :
Max: First time in L.A.?
Vincent: No. Tell you the truth, whenever I'm here I can't wait to leave. It's too sprawled out, disconnected. You know? That's me. You like it?
Max: It's my home.
Vincent: 17 million people. This is got to be the fifth biggest economy in the world and nobody knows each other. I read about this guy who gets on the MTA here, dies.
Max: Oh.
Vincent: Six hours he's riding the subway before anybody notices his corpse doing laps around L.A., people on and off sitting next to him. Nobody notices.
so is vincent the by-product of urban living? alienated, disconnected. is he emotionally flaccid, or just guarded? whatever it is, vincent is a caricature of who we all could be.
call it the perks of being alive.
He is not amoral. neither is he confused. he is just very logical. after his first hit, a confused and scared max, the cab driver, sputters on, questioning how he could kill the man.
Vincent: Max, six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape cause of one fat guy.
Max: Well, who was he?
Vincent: What do you care? Have you ever heard of Rwanda?
Max: Yes, I know Rwanda.
Vincent: Well, tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed people that fast since Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Did you bat an eye, Max?
Max: What?
Vincent: Did you join Amnesty International, Oxfam, Save the Whales, Greenpeace, or something? No. I off one fat Angelino and you throw a hissy fit.
Max: Man, I don't know any Rwandans.
Vincent: You don't know the guy in the trunk, either.
with reasons as plain as that, i might be so inclined to off someone myself. what vincent lacks isn't a heart. he did save max's life in the nightclub scene. what vincent does is partition - cruelly, cold-heartedly.
billed as a thriller, the movie is actually more of what happens in between. the action scenes could be sliced right out and the movie would still shine. max's growing confidence and vincent who somehow somehow you think theres something about him and you don't want to write him off as a villian.
ironic how vincent dies in a subway. in the beginning of the movie, he says to max :
Max: First time in L.A.?
Vincent: No. Tell you the truth, whenever I'm here I can't wait to leave. It's too sprawled out, disconnected. You know? That's me. You like it?
Max: It's my home.
Vincent: 17 million people. This is got to be the fifth biggest economy in the world and nobody knows each other. I read about this guy who gets on the MTA here, dies.
Max: Oh.
Vincent: Six hours he's riding the subway before anybody notices his corpse doing laps around L.A., people on and off sitting next to him. Nobody notices.
so is vincent the by-product of urban living? alienated, disconnected. is he emotionally flaccid, or just guarded? whatever it is, vincent is a caricature of who we all could be.
call it the perks of being alive.
i had one of those lucid dreams last night.
so i went home from zouk and went to sleep, but in my dream i dreamt the rest of the guys came over after zouk and we hung out a bit and then we went out to eat pizza. its one of those dreams that when you wake up, you have to take a moment to ponder - did i dream it or did it happen? especially since it fitted so seamlessly with my night.
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i vaguely recall a super criterion collection box set on sale last year. does anyone remember this at all? i've been scouring the net to no avail.
so i went home from zouk and went to sleep, but in my dream i dreamt the rest of the guys came over after zouk and we hung out a bit and then we went out to eat pizza. its one of those dreams that when you wake up, you have to take a moment to ponder - did i dream it or did it happen? especially since it fitted so seamlessly with my night.
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i vaguely recall a super criterion collection box set on sale last year. does anyone remember this at all? i've been scouring the net to no avail.
sunshine through my window,
a smile on my face.
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i have broken the curse. after a straight hitter of 4-times-in-a-row-drunk at zouk, i return tonight, triumphant and sober, though S$28 poorer. its like when i was always getting drunk in JC till one day i told myself i had to stop and i kept wearing the same pair of red underwear (auspicious!), thinking it would help, (that pair is now lost) till finally, many parties later, i stopped drinking myself silly. i hope its not a recurring theme though.
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good fucking night.
a smile on my face.
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i have broken the curse. after a straight hitter of 4-times-in-a-row-drunk at zouk, i return tonight, triumphant and sober, though S$28 poorer. its like when i was always getting drunk in JC till one day i told myself i had to stop and i kept wearing the same pair of red underwear (auspicious!), thinking it would help, (that pair is now lost) till finally, many parties later, i stopped drinking myself silly. i hope its not a recurring theme though.
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good fucking night.
2006-01-23
"look at them! they're so red and angry!" tsked the doctor when he scoped my nasal passages and throat. and that they did. very red and throbby.
i could see the insides of my nose and throat on a screen. i didn't recognise myself on screen but it seems i have a deviated nasal passage or something like that. he then took out a contraption and stuck it up my nose and schlllloooopppp sucked all my excess mucus out. a mini vacuum! i suddenly could breathe so freely. its like how you feel after just shaving your head. you can feel the air on your scalp.
of the many pills (sans thrills) he prescribed me, one has an advisory that says "causes insomnia". another says "causes drowsiness". so when their powers combine, i think i'll be perfectly fine.
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she took an uninspired bite out of her sandwich.
he stretched and languidly got up
she walked down the hall. her heels clicked like a metronome.
i could see the insides of my nose and throat on a screen. i didn't recognise myself on screen but it seems i have a deviated nasal passage or something like that. he then took out a contraption and stuck it up my nose and schlllloooopppp sucked all my excess mucus out. a mini vacuum! i suddenly could breathe so freely. its like how you feel after just shaving your head. you can feel the air on your scalp.
of the many pills (sans thrills) he prescribed me, one has an advisory that says "causes insomnia". another says "causes drowsiness". so when their powers combine, i think i'll be perfectly fine.
-
she took an uninspired bite out of her sandwich.
he stretched and languidly got up
she walked down the hall. her heels clicked like a metronome.
2006-01-22
poptartttt was fun fun fun for everyone. (you should go) i lived out my big pimp fantasy of drinking moet outta a bottle at the expense of my bank account balance but in the end i say wtf it was fun (whos your daddy?!). for once i dont wake up the next morning feeling like shit and all.
the sun is up and i am feeling much better. i think i may be a plant. i keep saying that, and i also keep saying "have you read philip k dick? because theres one story where they colonise this planet but for some strange reason, everyone there just becomes a plant."
i think we should all be able to photosynthesize. how cool would that be?
i am so looking forward to bangkok. i think it will be so mutherfucking kickass. like poptart, only 1000x more. and S$2 t-shirts! yes, my wardobe is getting a steroid boost.
anyway its noon now. the sun is blasting, so im going out to lie by the pool with shades and a book and a cold drink (with the obligatory hipster look of ho-hum-whats-new).
welcome to my post-NS decandant lifestyle of waste, excess and luxury.
the sun is up and i am feeling much better. i think i may be a plant. i keep saying that, and i also keep saying "have you read philip k dick? because theres one story where they colonise this planet but for some strange reason, everyone there just becomes a plant."
i think we should all be able to photosynthesize. how cool would that be?
i am so looking forward to bangkok. i think it will be so mutherfucking kickass. like poptart, only 1000x more. and S$2 t-shirts! yes, my wardobe is getting a steroid boost.
anyway its noon now. the sun is blasting, so im going out to lie by the pool with shades and a book and a cold drink (with the obligatory hipster look of ho-hum-whats-new).
welcome to my post-NS decandant lifestyle of waste, excess and luxury.
2006-01-16
friday night was rock bottom. and so i have 'nowhere to go but up', which is also a movie starring audrey tatou and justin therox. it's alternative title is 'happy ending', which is predictable enough given it stars audrey tatou. she also stars in 'the da vinci code' so i wonder hmm how will that turn out. happy ending/nowhere to go but up was also set in new york. i recognised soho, i recognised st. marks and i recognised (i think) chelsea.
i think what appeals so much about new york is how you can be a bit odd there. you're expected to be a kook or slightly dysfunctional, or at the very least yourself. abnormal is the normal there, or so my airy-fairy head tells me. even the air there smells different. (i was told its the garbage). don't tell me otherwise. i like my castles in the sky.
do you think leather stretches? technically it is skin and i've seen some skinny kids grow to become mother-fat-asses so i assume leater aka dried skin can do the same.
bob sinclar's love generation is uplifting. rita, 10/10 on that call. he was at zouk on friday spinning. i was too drunk to remember but i hope i danced to that song. i think i would've been pretty stoked when the whistling part came on.
of late i've been a big quitter. i quit smoking. i quit NS. and today i quit my job, after only working through my first morning. i was getting paid proofreading when all i wanted to do was wait on tables in a cafe or bar because its such a romantic notion. if i were an aspiring actor or struggling writer i'd be a living cliche. too bad i'm neither.
"less funk, more punk". remember that lennard. (thank you yoon)
today i was driving to jace's and i left my handphone on the car-roof when i drove off to send ding home and didn't remember about the phone until i got to the east. and i looked back at there it was in the little groove where the rear windshield ends and the boot starts. so i ran out of the car at a red light and grabbed my phone and scurried back to the car. "wow," i thought, feeling very lucky.
i think what appeals so much about new york is how you can be a bit odd there. you're expected to be a kook or slightly dysfunctional, or at the very least yourself. abnormal is the normal there, or so my airy-fairy head tells me. even the air there smells different. (i was told its the garbage). don't tell me otherwise. i like my castles in the sky.
do you think leather stretches? technically it is skin and i've seen some skinny kids grow to become mother-fat-asses so i assume leater aka dried skin can do the same.
bob sinclar's love generation is uplifting. rita, 10/10 on that call. he was at zouk on friday spinning. i was too drunk to remember but i hope i danced to that song. i think i would've been pretty stoked when the whistling part came on.
of late i've been a big quitter. i quit smoking. i quit NS. and today i quit my job, after only working through my first morning. i was getting paid proofreading when all i wanted to do was wait on tables in a cafe or bar because its such a romantic notion. if i were an aspiring actor or struggling writer i'd be a living cliche. too bad i'm neither.
"less funk, more punk". remember that lennard. (thank you yoon)
today i was driving to jace's and i left my handphone on the car-roof when i drove off to send ding home and didn't remember about the phone until i got to the east. and i looked back at there it was in the little groove where the rear windshield ends and the boot starts. so i ran out of the car at a red light and grabbed my phone and scurried back to the car. "wow," i thought, feeling very lucky.
2006-01-14
come into my big black heart.
i feel disconnected and discontented. i should be so happy because i just started clearing my NS leave. i should be happy. but i am sad and i don't know why so that makes me sad and confused which is sometimes depressing. the only comfort is the fact that it can all be explained with chemicals. dopamine. serotonin. its not my fault. who can argue with science.
i don't know whats wrong. can anyone help me.
i feel disconnected and discontented. i should be so happy because i just started clearing my NS leave. i should be happy. but i am sad and i don't know why so that makes me sad and confused which is sometimes depressing. the only comfort is the fact that it can all be explained with chemicals. dopamine. serotonin. its not my fault. who can argue with science.
i don't know whats wrong. can anyone help me.
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