don't think me a retard but i can't find the people who added me to MSN messenger. as in, their contacts don't show on my list. so ho hum oh well jst try send me a MSN msg and if it goes thru then all's well that ends well if not i'm not much worse than where i was prior to this.

and i was thinking about NS and how people say i've a jackpot posting and how i still sometimes whine about it, and i was thinking perhaps i'm being very selfish or overly self indulgent but on second third and fourth thoughts, i figured that the shitty thing about NS is not so much your posting, tho it is a factor, but the fact that you're doing what you don't really wanna do for 2 years. and thats the part that gets most people down, the thought of 'what if', as in, specfically, 'what if i wasn't serving NS now...' and our thoughts would drift to that of acadamia, or bumming and slumming, or living it up.

but no one thinks- 'what if i weren't serving NS now? gosh. i'd be so sad and lost. i wouldn't know what to do.'