Breaking Story!

Yesterday the nation of Singapore, a small island south of Malaysia, faced a pandemic. Nationalis-Patriotis swept across the island at fever pitch, infecting the island's otherwise staid inhabitants. The numbers stand in the tens of thousands, with the hardest hit area being the Padang area, followed by heartland areas Jurong East, Marina South, Yishun and Woodlands.

"Nationalis-Patriotis is a very uncommon disease. Fortunately, its usually transient and should pass with time," says Dr. Oh Joo Tee, a professor at the National Communicable Disease Centre.

"I usually complain about the Government, but. but suddenly, i feel an overwhelming love for being singaporean! We, the citizens of Singapore, pledge...." rambled Maye, one of the infected. Her case is not unique, and all over the island people can be seen doing the same.

Is this a plot by the goverment? This author, who was in the thick of the action at the Padang, detected faint noxious fumes permeating the area. A query put to President Naton was shot down and dismissed as merely "the odour that is Singapore!".

I myself felt the pangs of Nationalis-Patriotis coming on, but was quick to steady myself and remind myself that the only reason I was at the Padang was for purely journalistic reasons. That, and because my NS boss wanted me there.

A sample of the fumes mentioned has been collected and sent to the National What-is-that-Smell Centre for analysis. We are currently awaiting the results. Stay tuned...