The Gaping Cosmic Anus and the Hungry Electron

What a title!

Special Ops Command came down to give a demonstration for the new Police Taser. In a nut shell, it shoots two barbs at the victim which then forms a closed circuit and electrocutes him into submission.

Who’s an experience whore?! I am! So I volunteered, and oh the pain. Coarsing through your muscles, you vibrate like the elemental particles you’re made of as the electricity sears through your nerves. I became a point above my head to remove myself from the pain and everything happened in the third-person. A surreal moment indeed. After the 5 seconds-which-seemed-to-never-end, the points of contact smelt like bbq-ed pork, somewhat appetizing if not for the fact that it was me. The skin was ashen coloured which slowly reverted to a reddish burn mark that turned into a blister.

What surprises me is the body’s surprising capacity for amnesia. I remember it hurt, because I told myself it hurt. I can’t describe the actual senstation anymore because I can’t remember it. The same with many other things- the taste of that killer steak. You remember it was succulent and flavourful, but you remember the descriptions you attached to it, not the actual sensations. Is it just me?

My back has gotten from worse to Worse so I went to a chiropractor. Funny tubby French dude who twisted me like a pretzel as my back squealed POP POP POP. After the session, he gave me a series of exercises to strengthen my back and knee. One of which requires me to squeeze my anus open-close-repeat 400 times a day.

“eets a ween ween seetuation, ya? You vork for police, your ah-nus vork for you! Everibodi happi ya?” said the funny French man.

See? I work my ass off for the nation.


The Doors of Perception

Psychodelic! Am now reading The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. Gonzo journalism, in part as tribute to the late Hunter S. Thompson, in part because I prefer non-fiction.

Humans take 1/30th of a second and upward to process and respond to an external stimuli. Can you dig it? I can’t break that 1/30th second barrier. We’re all doomed to spend our lives watched a movie of our lives- always acting on what has just finished happening. It happened 1/30th of a second ago. We think we’re in the present, but we aren’t- we’re lagging. That’s the human lag. Then theres cultural and social lag that can you hurl you years into the past. We need to break free people. We need to decrease the lag. Can you dig me? Fuck the future, screw the past, what about the now? Now. Now. Can you read now….NOW. NOW! NOW. Now. Now now.

Help. We’re all lagging and theres nothing we can do about it.