i've a morbid fascination.

now that i'm in tha PA, theres no more M16s, but theres still the pistol. you know when people describe the feeling of power or awe when they hold the gun? its no lie. call it spiritual if you will. its like a baptism, and i suddenly have to power to take life and destroy at no more than the pull of a finger. is that how a god would feel like? "by the power vested in me, i pronounce you... dead."

and i want to know how it feels to have a bullet tear and tunnel through flesh. what would it be like? the moment before. the moment of impact. the moment of realization. the gun possseses my hand and i've to will it not to point the gun at myself or anyone else. its scary sometimes.

don't think me mad or insane please. i'm just being frank.