09/02/04

and i thought today would pass with little ado as no, i don't feel very 19. how does one feel a number anyway? until my friend cautioned me to enjoy the last of my teen years and suddenly 19 limbo became 19 milestone.

10/02/04

gangwei makes a lot of sense. thus far, i've done nothing in my life to deserve coming into the army save for being born in singapore which i won't call doing much to begin with and all my time in army will be spent achieving things i don't really care to achieve in the first place. officer. sergeant. platoon commander. big fucking deal. back again to what i said about it all being a big joke we're all in and suddenly the song 'i started a joke, that got the whole world crying' comes to mind. what a fucking farce.

its surreal. i feel like alice in wonderland and there's the card soldiers scurrying about and the queen running about shouting 'off with their heads!' and the grinning chesire cat and the chiong swa rabbit running here and there.

dear, dear! how queer every thing is to-day! and yesterday things went on just as usual. i wonder if i've been changed in the night?

tekong is a strange place...

11/02/04

its hard to believe we're singapore's proud and mighty defenders when today have to scale the low wall at the SOC (standard obstacle course, the low wall being a ~2.0m wall we have to climb over), you see people running toward it all bravado and shouting 'yaaaaaaaaaa!!!' then 'biak!' smack into the wall and they recoil backward like out of an acme cartoon when the door is slammed into sylvester's face. and others, only able to get halfway over, leaving their legs kicking and flailing aimlessless, hopelessly, almost as if they were trying to swim the breast stroke in mid air. which is overstating the poetic quality of their haphazard motions.

i thumbed an ant, pressing it into the sidewalk with a squish sound and now i feel really quite guilty.

12/02/04

i miss my camera alot. there are many reasons why i like photography, but one of the simplest explanations i can give is that it is because i have a very bad memory. and i don't want to forget.

13/02/04

its official... i am cockeyed. i cannot shoot for nuts. given a shot-gun and an elephant 10m away, i'd probably miss the elephant and shoot myself in the foot by mistake.

14/02/04

scratch what i said about being a lousy shot. quite the contrary! i'd wager that i could put out your left eye from 100m. haha. and my secret? Trolls. go figure.

its good to be home. next week i wont be back cause its field camp so till then, till then.