2006-02-08

what do you hate?

how about, when something bad happens, some well-meaning soul says "Don't worry. All things happen for a reason". chances the utterer of that cursed phrase is christian, or incredibly naive, to take such a fatalistic stance. after all, "fate is the path of least resistence," said the protagonist in matchpoint. aye to that.

tomorrow, i start my job at video-ezy. but today, an email came. "Hi Lennard, we regret to inform you that..." and i think you know how it ends. Damn. Retrenched before i could even start. But, all of a sudden, i get calls here and there. links of links from the past. a friend of a friend of a friend, and tomorrow i'll be assisting in some event (a Canon event no less! contacts galore!) from 10 to 10 for $150. come friday, i've got a 4 hour photography assignment for $200. and both openings from difference sources.

consider then- might things actually happen for a reason? bollocks to that. remember, "fate is the path of least resistence", and "i'd rather be lucky than good", both of which are from Woody Allen's Matchpoint.

Matchpoint, btw, is a really good movie. I love movies. I just usually hate their endings - so many movies lift me up only to let me down in the last quarter. (Great Expectations anyone? with the pseudo-red herring benefactor. pshaw!) But this movie ended how i wanted it to end. *warning: spoilers ahead* referencing my previous post, chris (the shows protagonist) is the ideal devolution from the anti-hero - utterly unlikable, but wholely sympathetic. you want him to get away with his crime. the scene with him in the police station reminded me of the Tell-Tale Heart. one can feel him haunted by this sin, but unlike the tell-tale heart, he does not confess. and i felt a sinful joy that he didn't. getting caught would be too much of a sweet redemption for the wholely unwholesome Chris. better he live his life out in his own private hell. --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous and guilty he was, is and will forever be.

the definite contemporary noir film if ever there was one, its a movie that's smarter than its audience. longer post about it to come if i can, if not, http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060105/REVIEWS/60103004/1023

Ebert can do no wrong. (except with his review of 3000 Miles to Graceland)

2006-02-03

The word “poop” in Binary is “01110000011011110110111101110000”

2006-02-02

which fantasy do you want to live out?

do you want to be tyler durden in fight club and pee into the clam chowder and rant lyrical about how "We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "

, or be randal graves in clerks and say things like ""Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets." (btw, he's right, though i think above and beyond them Star Wars : A New Hope stands as the best, much in the same way The Matrix was so much better than the 2 that followed. it is neat and self-contained.)

its opposites of the cool spectrum. one is cool and the other so uncool he's cool too. knowing me i'm probably the latter guy, only that i'm not uncool enough to be cool so i just fall flat being straight uncool.

the reason i ask this is because i wondered whether i would rather work as a waiter or a video-rental jockey. tomorrow's my interview with Video-EZY. Wish me luck. if i mess this up i think it means i'm pretty messed up.

2006-02-01

giant concrete canyons and chrome-lined treetops. apes in gucci and prada dancing to a bleeding red sunset.

2006-01-30

the manly influences of National Service leaks from my memory.

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i want to be a glitter boy. i want roughed cheeks and glossy lips. i want heeled boots and a lazy, hazy cigarette hanging languidly on my lip. i want the whole she-bang - freed hearts of gilded chains and SETI on overdrive for my extraterrestrial love search. elegantly walking down the street, handbag on one hand, lies on the other, most beautiful only when I'm walking out the door. personality crisis? dear sir i'm just a leftover 20th century boy out to change the world.

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Glitter Boy, 2006
Text Pastiche on Your Screen
Lenn

2006-01-29

does anyone have a PayPal account? I need some help.
people are drawn deeper into tragedy not by their defects but by their virtues. that is the premise of a tragic hero, or at least it was in shakespearean times. that noble concept as since eroded. from the crevices of prototypical tragic hero a la Oedipus, noble but flawed because of his virtue and innocence, crept out the anti-hero.

the anti-hero is consciously a villian in action but a hero at heart. that is the appeal isn't it? that behind every flawed action there is a shining light of redemption because it is motivated by pureness (though at times reluctently so). take Frank Castle, aka the Punisher. it is because he is driven by the loss of his family that we can rationalize his otherwise inhumane actions in his quest for revenge. we can say to ourselves "what he is doing is wrong, but i understand why he is doing it." one might even go so far as to empathize with him.

the anti-hero brings to light the concept of grey in what was previously a black and white world, which is comforting.

after all, doesn't everyone want shades of redemption?

2006-01-28

following the erosion of tragic heros (et tu, brute?) to anti heros (Marv from Sin City, Batman) the next logical step would not only be someone with no redeemable qualities or tragic flaw, save for the fact that the tragic flaw is his very existence. but no, because he is the lineage of tragic heros, one cannot condemn him. And that is Vincent, the assassin in Collateral.

He is not amoral. neither is he confused. he is just very logical. after his first hit, a confused and scared max, the cab driver, sputters on, questioning how he could kill the man.

Vincent: Max, six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape cause of one fat guy.
Max: Well, who was he?
Vincent: What do you care? Have you ever heard of Rwanda?
Max: Yes, I know Rwanda.
Vincent: Well, tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed people that fast since Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Did you bat an eye, Max?
Max: What?
Vincent: Did you join Amnesty International, Oxfam, Save the Whales, Greenpeace, or something? No. I off one fat Angelino and you throw a hissy fit.
Max: Man, I don't know any Rwandans.
Vincent: You don't know the guy in the trunk, either.

with reasons as plain as that, i might be so inclined to off someone myself. what vincent lacks isn't a heart. he did save max's life in the nightclub scene. what vincent does is partition - cruelly, cold-heartedly.

billed as a thriller, the movie is actually more of what happens in between. the action scenes could be sliced right out and the movie would still shine. max's growing confidence and vincent who somehow somehow you think theres something about him and you don't want to write him off as a villian.

ironic how vincent dies in a subway. in the beginning of the movie, he says to max :

Max: First time in L.A.?
Vincent: No. Tell you the truth, whenever I'm here I can't wait to leave. It's too sprawled out, disconnected. You know? That's me. You like it?
Max: It's my home.
Vincent: 17 million people. This is got to be the fifth biggest economy in the world and nobody knows each other. I read about this guy who gets on the MTA here, dies.
Max: Oh.
Vincent: Six hours he's riding the subway before anybody notices his corpse doing laps around L.A., people on and off sitting next to him. Nobody notices.

so is vincent the by-product of urban living? alienated, disconnected. is he emotionally flaccid, or just guarded? whatever it is, vincent is a caricature of who we all could be.

call it the perks of being alive.
i had one of those lucid dreams last night.

so i went home from zouk and went to sleep, but in my dream i dreamt the rest of the guys came over after zouk and we hung out a bit and then we went out to eat pizza. its one of those dreams that when you wake up, you have to take a moment to ponder - did i dream it or did it happen? especially since it fitted so seamlessly with my night.

-

i vaguely recall a super criterion collection box set on sale last year. does anyone remember this at all? i've been scouring the net to no avail.
sunshine through my window,
a smile on my face.

-

i have broken the curse. after a straight hitter of 4-times-in-a-row-drunk at zouk, i return tonight, triumphant and sober, though S$28 poorer. its like when i was always getting drunk in JC till one day i told myself i had to stop and i kept wearing the same pair of red underwear (auspicious!), thinking it would help, (that pair is now lost) till finally, many parties later, i stopped drinking myself silly. i hope its not a recurring theme though.

-

good fucking night.

2006-01-23

top 5 songs for a rainy day

1) Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
2) My Wandering Days Are Over - Belle & Sebastian
3) Stephanie Says - The Velvet Underground
4) Sweetest Decline - Beth Orton
5) If I Ever Feel Better - Phoenix

special mention:

Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
"look at them! they're so red and angry!" tsked the doctor when he scoped my nasal passages and throat. and that they did. very red and throbby.

i could see the insides of my nose and throat on a screen. i didn't recognise myself on screen but it seems i have a deviated nasal passage or something like that. he then took out a contraption and stuck it up my nose and schlllloooopppp sucked all my excess mucus out. a mini vacuum! i suddenly could breathe so freely. its like how you feel after just shaving your head. you can feel the air on your scalp.

of the many pills (sans thrills) he prescribed me, one has an advisory that says "causes insomnia". another says "causes drowsiness". so when their powers combine, i think i'll be perfectly fine.

-

she took an uninspired bite out of her sandwich.

he stretched and languidly got up

she walked down the hall. her heels clicked like a metronome.

2006-01-22

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional

Your General Knowledge is Above Average


c'est la vie. haha
poptartttt was fun fun fun for everyone. (you should go) i lived out my big pimp fantasy of drinking moet outta a bottle at the expense of my bank account balance but in the end i say wtf it was fun (whos your daddy?!). for once i dont wake up the next morning feeling like shit and all.

the sun is up and i am feeling much better. i think i may be a plant. i keep saying that, and i also keep saying "have you read philip k dick? because theres one story where they colonise this planet but for some strange reason, everyone there just becomes a plant."

i think we should all be able to photosynthesize. how cool would that be?

i am so looking forward to bangkok. i think it will be so mutherfucking kickass. like poptart, only 1000x more. and S$2 t-shirts! yes, my wardobe is getting a steroid boost.

anyway its noon now. the sun is blasting, so im going out to lie by the pool with shades and a book and a cold drink (with the obligatory hipster look of ho-hum-whats-new).

welcome to my post-NS decandant lifestyle of waste, excess and luxury.

2006-01-16

friday night was rock bottom. and so i have 'nowhere to go but up', which is also a movie starring audrey tatou and justin therox. it's alternative title is 'happy ending', which is predictable enough given it stars audrey tatou. she also stars in 'the da vinci code' so i wonder hmm how will that turn out. happy ending/nowhere to go but up was also set in new york. i recognised soho, i recognised st. marks and i recognised (i think) chelsea.

i think what appeals so much about new york is how you can be a bit odd there. you're expected to be a kook or slightly dysfunctional, or at the very least yourself. abnormal is the normal there, or so my airy-fairy head tells me. even the air there smells different. (i was told its the garbage). don't tell me otherwise. i like my castles in the sky.

do you think leather stretches? technically it is skin and i've seen some skinny kids grow to become mother-fat-asses so i assume leater aka dried skin can do the same.

bob sinclar's love generation is uplifting. rita, 10/10 on that call. he was at zouk on friday spinning. i was too drunk to remember but i hope i danced to that song. i think i would've been pretty stoked when the whistling part came on.

of late i've been a big quitter. i quit smoking. i quit NS. and today i quit my job, after only working through my first morning. i was getting paid proofreading when all i wanted to do was wait on tables in a cafe or bar because its such a romantic notion. if i were an aspiring actor or struggling writer i'd be a living cliche. too bad i'm neither.

"less funk, more punk". remember that lennard. (thank you yoon)

today i was driving to jace's and i left my handphone on the car-roof when i drove off to send ding home and didn't remember about the phone until i got to the east. and i looked back at there it was in the little groove where the rear windshield ends and the boot starts. so i ran out of the car at a red light and grabbed my phone and scurried back to the car. "wow," i thought, feeling very lucky.

2006-01-14

come into my big black heart.

i feel disconnected and discontented. i should be so happy because i just started clearing my NS leave. i should be happy. but i am sad and i don't know why so that makes me sad and confused which is sometimes depressing. the only comfort is the fact that it can all be explained with chemicals. dopamine. serotonin. its not my fault. who can argue with science.

i don't know whats wrong. can anyone help me.

2005-12-29

cool beans.

This year, there's a leap second. That means there will be 1 extra second this year as compared to last year, or next year. The last time this happened was in 1998.

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History and Background Info

The "leap second" does not occur regularly, and is instead governed by the good sense of the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (IERS). Leap seconds are introduced to correct the difference between International Atomic Time and Solar Time.

IAC is defines 1 second as 9,192,631,770 cycles of the radiation which corresponds to the transition between two energy levels of the ground state of the caesium-133 atom. What that means, I am not too sure.

Solar Time is determined by the rotation of the Earth around its axis and its orbit around the Sun; time was measured by astronomical observations.

While the two are more or less in sync, Solar Time has a tendency to fluctuate due to the changing of tides and other factors. Thus, when this discrepency between the two exceed 0.9s, the IERS will magnamilously call for a Leap Second, which occurs either on the 30th of June or 31st of December.
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Does this mean we, as a collective whole, gain time? Does this mean, as compared to my ancestors who lived centuries ago before this man-made introduction, I am, in absolute terms, getting more "bang for the buck" with my time on earth?

I am not familiar with einsteins theory of relativity so let me introduce lennard's theory of absolute relativity, which puts forth the idea that the extra second does, and does not, matter.

Let me explain. In relation to our ancestors, it matters. Because they did not have these extra seconds. In absolute terms, we have more time. But within our time now, the extra second means naught because we all get it. There is relative comparison. Its like everyone scored 2400 on their SATs, which would hence nullify its significance. (i.e. that people who score 2400 are very very smart.)

So how does my theory of absolute relativity work? It works when the importance of time is equal and its application different. Simple example- the shortening of NS, which was implemented (conveniently) after I enlisted. The batches after me gain 4 months of time over me. But, if I were to benefit from the NS reduction as well, then they have no gain on me and our time is on par in terms of importance.

Therefore mine is the concept of time as absolute, and how it is spent relative between myself and the rest of the world. It is a classic Singaporean mentality of how good is good, but better is always better.

And by better I mean better than other people.

2005-12-25

ouch december is hell for the body

my liver, pickled with whiskey and my lungs, caked with tar

ouch december is hell for the mind

undulating beats swarm ceaselessly against the mind's levee
when the levee breaks,
who'll be there to be me

ouch december hurts

good thing it only comes once a year

2005-12-24

merry christmas.

my parents bought me Calvin Klein Truth EDT for xmas. so me being me, i went to read up on it online-

"TRUTH CALVIN KLEIN MEN is a new scent that is distinctive, aspirational and upscale. Truth Men is sexy and classic, inspired by masculinity in its purest form. The signature scent is drawn from nature and the warmth of skin. The structure of the fragrance is centred around a fresh core of canopy greens accented by basil and cardamom which radiate natural freshness throughout the fragrance."

and right enough, i don't quite like how it smells. then i remembered my friend uses cK BE, which is absolutely adore. to the google again! -

"cK Be fragrance makes a sensual, intimate statement with a scent so subtle, that special someone has to get very close to you to locate this tantalizing scent. cK Be is a unique tonic musk that's clean and fresh. It draws them in without being overpowering. cK Be fragrance takes a closer look at who we are within this ageless, raceless, genderless world. It dares us to take risks, make mistakes, be unpredictable. It invites us to close our eyes, to open our minds, and to dream."

but oh well. i have Truth. so now i smell like Man incarnate. smell my musk next time we meet.

2005-12-21

how post-modern. the width of a cigarette butt.

evolution at its finest.